Released
Released
I Shot Myself In the Provo Temple Parking Lot | Wes Wright
In the first episode to launch season 4, we had Wes Wright on. Wes is a former BYU football player, avid golfer, gunshot survivor, and evangelist for Christ. In this episode, Talmage and Wes talk about: Casual discipleship, how the crime doesn't always fit the punishment with repentance, caring more about your standing with God than your standing with girls, and Wes's suicide attempt and his 2nd chance. This was an awesome episode to start of this new season.
Wes' Links
https://www.instagram.com/wesfunbro/
https://www.tiktok.com/@wesfunbro
Talmage's Links
https://www.instagram.com/talmagethayne/
https://www.youtube.com/@talmagethayne21
https://www.tiktok.com/@talmagethayne
TIMESTAMPS
0:00 Intro
5:09 Growing up with limited church involvement
16:18 Mission Experience andBible bashing
29:24 Returning home and struggling with faith
41:35 Breaking up and prioritizing spiritual growth
57:55 Wes's suicide attempt and miraculous survival
1:08:27 Finding purpose after surviving suicide attempt
1:13:35 Where to follow Wes's story online
1:17:54 Advice for returning missionaries
Remember, God is good and is planning on your success. And though you've been released from your mission, you haven't been released from your ministry.
Yeah. August 12, 2021, when I was playing football at BYU, I attempted to take my life. You know, sat in the Provo parking lot for many hours before I finally put a gun up to my chest and I pulled the trigger.
Talmage Thayne:I think people can only live with guilt for so long.
Wes Wright:I don't want to be Mormon. I care to be whatever God tells me to be. If he told me to be a Jehovah's Witness or Seventh Day Adventist or a Jew or a Catholic Muslim, tomorrow, like, I do it, yeah. But God still sent me home.
Talmage Thayne:Dang.
Wes Wright:And I had to go home for six months.
Talmage Thayne:Some people are like, well, the punishment doesn't match the crime.
Wes Wright:I see miracles every day.
Talmage Thayne:Hey, guys. Welcome back to another season of release. This is the fourth season, and in today's episode, we had Wes Wright on. He's an awesome dude. He was raised here in Utah, but he wasn't too active. Ended up going on a mission, getting sent home for worthiness issues, going back out and finishing it. When he got back home, he fell into a lot of the same traps we all fall into, where we care more about what the world thinks of us than what God thinks of us, what girls might think of us than what God thinks of us. It's a crazy story. At one point, he actually goes to the Provo temple parking lot, puts a gun to his chest, and tries to kill himself. That being said, he's here. He did a podcast with me, so everything's good. So let's just jump into it. Wes, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. So let's just jump into the first question right away. Who was Lil Wes, and how did you grow up? And what made you want to go on a mission in the first place?
Wes Wright:Honestly, Lil Wes never imagined himself going on a mission. I think around the time I got baptized, like, there might have been that idea, like, oh, I hope they call me on a mission, things like that. But, you know, my parents got divorced when I was around 4. My dad was excommunicated, and he got re baptized just in time to re. Baptize me or to baptize me. Before I turned nine, I was almost a convert baptism. But, you know, my mom was single for 10 years after, and, you know, like, she had two jobs. Like, we just struggled. Like, there was just a lot of. Yeah, a lot of that. And church. Church activity was not the biggest focus. My mom more. So, like, where did you grow up? In, like, Spanish Fork, Utah.
Talmage Thayne:Okay, nice.
Wes Wright:So growing up there, like, we'd go to Church, maybe like, once a month, Every, like. Like twice a month or whatever. And then sometimes we'd go, like, six months without going or something like that. I never, like, went to young men's, didn't go to Boy Scouts. Like, none of that. And so literally, by the time I was, you know, graduating high school, my mom had forced me to go to seminary, and I didn't even graduate, like, four years. I think I got three years worth of credit because I was just, like, sloughing, just didn't care for it, didn't have any pertinence in my life. And it was really. It was really this mentor that I had that. That as I got towards the end of my senior year of high school, and I just was questioning everything, like, is there really a God? Like, you know, if there's a God, then, like, why this? Why that? All these questions. And I had this mentor that was a freshman football coach at Manti High School. Like, me. My mom got remarried, moved down to Manti. Me and my brother moved down there with her, and we, you know, lived down there. My mentor, he talk. He told me about his mission, and I decided to go on a mission for purely, like, you know, just reasons outside of spiritual ones. Like, I. Like, he said, you know, it just helps you become a man. Like, you just grow up, you learn a lot of things out there, you get tougher. And I was like, well, I need a lot of that in my life. And so that was ultimately, like, my decision on going on a mission was like, I needed to get tougher and I needed to, like, help become. I needed help becoming a man. And so, like, I went out on my mission having read maybe, like, 11 chapters of the Book of Mormon. Nice. I knew nothing. Like, didn't know Old Testament to New Testament book Mormon. Like, I knew nothing.
Talmage Thayne:And, like, your companion says something, you're like, holy cow, Jesus went to America. That's insane. Wow.
Wes Wright:Yeah. Like, that kind of differentiating between, like, God the Father, Son, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah, I had.
Wes Wright:I had no concept of that.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like, I just, like, just. I was like, the Father, but then, like, the Son, and then, like, the same people, like, but they're not, like. And just, like, stuff that I hadn't even been able to conceptualize in my mind. All of a sudden, as I'm like, my companion, my trainer, sitting here, like, teaching these things, and I'm like, holy crap. We believe in that. Yeah, holy crap. That's how that fits in and whatever. And so it was like this cool Puzzle like starting to get like, put together in my mind. And what was even better was that, you know, I served in Houston, Texas, which is where Danny served his mission. Oh yeah, we served in the same mission.
Talmage Thayne:Danny Garcia, who was on this podcast last, last season. So.
Wes Wright:Yeah. And so he had the mission president right before me and my mission president that I had, which he did not like. But in Houston, it's a, it's a melting pot of all different races, cultures, religions, and obviously a lot of other Christian denominations. And so through teaching and also even like going to a lot of these churches, like asking for service, you know, going to like getting invited to some of like their Bible studies or whatever or whatever, like got to learn all these different beliefs of all these different denominations. And it really just strengthened my testimony of the restored gospel and just seeing some of the holes in these other people's beliefs and how they interpreted the Scriptures, the Bible for themselves and things like that. And so, yeah, it was like a whole new world dude kind of thing. Like.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah, because that's in the South. And so did you run into any Bible bashers?
Wes Wright:Anybody that. Yeah, I ran into a lot of Bible bashers and I got really good at it.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah. And for even coming from a place of ignorance in the past, ignorance, I.
Wes Wright:Mean, that was one of the things was like, holy crap. Some of these people, some of the questions they're asking me, it's like I really had to dive into the Bible and figure out, okay, like, do we, like, why do we believe this? Why do we believe that? And then ultimately again, that was one thing that strengthened my testimony and the, you know, the testimony of two witnesses out of the Bible and the Book of Mormon. And again, I got really good at Bible bashing. Like, I could just cut through people.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like, I'd pull verses out that they've never even seen, heard of because like their pastor, they're not teaching these things, whatever. Like the scriptures are close. You know, so many parts of the Bible are closed to these people because, like, it doesn't, it doesn't help like their narrative of their denomination or whatever. And so obviously I got really good at it. But then it got to the point where I realized, like, I wasn't building my faith and I also wasn't building theirs. It just, we both walked away from it empty handed at the end. So I eventually stopped doing it and I, I really would just ask people this simple question when they came up and wanted to fight with us. Be like, if God appeared to you right now and, and told you that the Book of Mormon was true and to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, would you do it? And like, I literally think it was 99, if not a hundred percent of the people that I asked. Hundreds of people, all of them would say no. Damn. And I would send my hand. I'd say, have a good day. They'd be like, wait, you said you would do this? You know, if you, if I answered your question, I said. Did you not hear what you just said?
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:You just said that if God came and stood before you and said that this is true and to do this, you wouldn't do it. What makes you think some snot nosed, you know, white boy, 18 year old white boy from freaking Manti, Utah is going to convince you otherwise? Yeah, like I, you know, as. And then it would usually lead to me telling them, like, I don't want to be Mormon, I don't care to be a member of this church. Like, I care to be whatever God tells me to be. Like if he told me to be a Jehovah's Witness or Seventh Day Adventist or a Jew or a Catholic Muslim tomorrow, like, I do it because like, religion is not like this man created, you know, our own personal dictation to God of how we will worship him. Like, like these, like these are the scriptures.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like this is what the scripture says. Like, and I will do that. Like, I'm not going to reinterpret it to fit a lifestyle that I want to live. And so that would, that would kind of be it and I would just go on my way.
Talmage Thayne:So that's awesome. That, that reminds me of. Abraham Lincoln was in like a war council once and all of his generals were like, well at least we have like, at least we have God on our side. Like, because we're, we're saving the slaves and so God's on our side. And Abraham Lincoln says, I wouldn't be near like, like so concerned about whether God's on our side. I'd be more concerned about whether I'm on God's side. And that's what we really need to ask ourselves is that's what those people really need to ask themselves is when and if God ever came to them and said, would you join the church and be baptized? If I told, like, because it's true. And like, I'm telling you it's true right now, would you do it? And they're still saying no. Then they've completely closed their mind to any kind of spiritual experience. Any kind of life changing experience. And I think us as members can do that sometimes too, where we just get so stuck in our ways and we're not allowing God to speak to us through the spirit.
Wes Wright:Yeah, no, and that's the thing is like I realized that like religion is religion no matter where you go. Like you come back, coming back home to the bubble of Utah. Like I see it, I see it just as much in like our own members and personal beliefs that they cultivate. Like my truth and like, oh, like this is okay because you know, God's not going to keep me out of heaven for a cup of coffee kind of thing.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah, yeah.
Wes Wright:It's like it's very prevalent that's not spiritually backed anywhere in the scriptures and you know, to the point that you're making of like it's God's will, like it's not us. Like, you know, you are not your own. You're not, you don't. We don't even belong to ourselves. So who are we to sit here and dictate and tell God what he will and won't do with us? You know, and you know, as I was sitting there as thinking about what you were saying, I, I thought back to like Abraham in the, in the Old Testament, God literally commands Abraham, like tell. Promises Abraham that through all the, through, through Isaac, all the nations of the earth will be blessed.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And then it is after that promise that he is then commanded to put Isaac on an altar and sacrifice him.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like you really think that God's not going to ask you to give up coffee or to give up drinking or to give up modesty, immodesty or whatever it may be. And you're still going to get to be able to have the same kind of spiritual reunion when we get back to, to heaven with him. Whatever. When these are the things that he's asked of people like Abraham in the scriptures, like these are the kinds of things that he has required of, of disciples.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:It takes a faith. Like, like, I mean that's why it's, you work on it every single day of your life and you'll still never perfect it.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah. So he, he doesn't have the least.
Wes Wright:I, God cannot look upon sin with even the least degree of allowance.
Talmage Thayne:That's what it is. Yeah.
Wes Wright:Yeah.
Talmage Thayne:And a lot of times we, we justify that. It's like, okay, well I'm not that bad and coffee and like sin is a spectrum. I'm not, I'm not cheating on my wife. If I, if I look at A girl a little longer. And it's like, no, he's saying he's not going to look at it with the least degree of allowance.
Wes Wright:Yeah.
Talmage Thayne:Does he still love you? Yeah. Are you still worth the world to him? Yeah. He sacrificed his son for you, but he asks you to step up. He asks you to change. He asks you to be a disciple, not just a passive observer of Christ's atonement, which I honestly don't think you can be a passive observer of Christ's atonement and actually have it change you.
Wes Wright:No, you can't.
Talmage Thayne:You have to be actively becoming a disciple. This is kind of a rant, but I saw this video where this girl, she was a member of the church, she was talking about how she, she sleeps with a bunch of people, coffee, tattoos, immodesty. Just like a bunch of the things that we shouldn't be doing. And some people might argue that that's just culturally we shouldn't be doing it besides like the sleeping with people part. But, and then she said like, but that doesn't make me any less of a disciple than anybody else. And I was like, I'm sorry, but that does that, that's literally the definition of a disciple is somebody who follows Christ's example. Christ did none of those things. Does he still love you the same as me? Absolutely.
Wes Wright:Absolutely.
Talmage Thayne:Does he still love you the same as a prophet? Yeah. And you're worth it to him. But you can't, like I said, you can't be a passive of passive observer.
Wes Wright:Yeah, I mean, it's like there's plenty of scriptures dictation about how, you know, we're going to get to that end day and there will be plenty of us who have professed by our lips that we knew him. And he will say, depart, depart from me. That work iniquity. I never knew you. Yeah, like even the, even the five virgins that, that their lamps were not filled and he turned them away. Like there are so many evidences in the scriptures that there are definitive levels of discipleship and like having your lamps trimmed, you know, walking through the straight and narrow gate like it's all evidence that like discipleship is not passive. And it's not something that like, you know, I just keep coming back to this idea of like self worship in dictating to God, like what we will and we won't do, you know, because I, I'm the same thing as you. I saw this other girl today post. She's like, here's things as a Latter Day saint that I believe in that. Other people might don't. She's like, piercings and tattoos aren't bad as long as, like they're, they're not like bad images or something like that.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And then like just a whole list of other things there's just completely contradict, like what the prophets and apostles have always taught, always said what Jesus Christ has taught throughout Scripture. And it's like, you can't, like, how can you come on here and like teach these things when in reality you're just trying to like, justify them for yourself and the life choices that you're making that you're not willing to give these things up, you know, and until, until all of us are willing to truly come to the altar and put everything that we have our own, like, and then especially our, our contrite hearts, our broken spirits, like on the altar. God, make of me whatever you want. Nothing is mine, you know, Everything is yours. And doesn't matter what you had asked me to do, I'll do it. Like, nothing too big, too small. I'll do it.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah, I love that. And there's a. I think people can only live with guilt for so long and they either have to make. There's like only a couple choices that they can make once they decide that they can't live with that guilt for any longer. They either have to like, forsake what they're doing and just say, like, you know what, God, I'm gonna do it your way. And that's really tough. Cause you have to admit that you're doing something wrong and you have to change. And change is really hard. Or you justify it. Like you said, you do a little bit of self worshiping, you're like, I'm not that bad. And then you kind of end up doubling down on it and you're a bad example to everybody, especially like your kids. And it's just tough. And when I see people do that, I'm like, you're just making it so much harder on yourself to experience the actual benefits of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yeah, kind of a rant, but I love where that went. Could you tell me a little bit about how, how the mission changed you? You talked a little bit about how you were able to learn so much more about the gospel, how you went out for like one reason, but you actually gained a testimony. And that's great. Was there any, like, specific example or situation that really transformed your character?
Wes Wright:Yeah, almost like to your last point. Exactly. You get to that fork in the road where you have a past version of yourself that has to die. And you can either try and keep it alive and keep it on life support, or you can kill it and let a new version of yourself be born in God.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And that happened to me when I hit about a year on my mission. It was like a veil was lifted from over my eyes and I could see the sins of some. Some choices, some decisions I'd made before I came out on my mission that I had justified. You know, like I'd went and repented to my bishop even beforehand and had to wait to go out on a mission or whatever because of some. Some things. Immoral chastity, things that I'd done with girls. And basically for myself, I, like, drew a line and it was like, okay, this is as far as I can go with girls while still being able to go on a mission. So, like, I would go up to that line and I wouldn't cross it, and I'd go up to that line and I wouldn't cross it. And that was like a way that I used to, like, justify myself or whatever in and in my infancy, in my knowledge of the gospel. It worked until I got to that place, that fork in the road, and I realized, like, oh, crap, like, that's not true at all. And I had a decision to make. And luckily, because the gospel of Jesus Christ had convicted me so much at that point that I knew that it was the only path that I wanted to walk for the rest of my life, didn't care how hard it was. I chose to go to my mission president, talk to him, and repent of the things that I'd done. And I thought there was no way that I would get sent home just because, like, they're not. There weren't like, crazy things like, you know, I don't want to say, you know, as we were just talking, like, God will not allow sin and even the least degree of allowance. There's things that shouldn't have been done. But even for someone like me, who had almost no knowledge of the gospel up until going on my mission, I thought there might be more grace or mercy there.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:But God still sent me home.
Talmage Thayne:Dang.
Wes Wright:And I had to go home for six months. And luckily that was never a, like a question or a point of frustration. My mind was like, man, like, there's other kids that have got. Got to stay out on their missions when they literally have had sex, you know, before their missions and their bishop sons or whatever, and, like, done way more. They got to stay out. Like, why do I have to come home. Like, I literally just had so much trust and faith in God to be like, you know, know, heavenly father, if you want me to go back home for six months and learn and repent and grow so I can have the full measure of the spirit as I go out and teach, so be it. And you know, that six months home was really transformative for me. It was obviously really hard, especially because I came from a hometown small town in Manti where everyone knows each other. In your first couple weeks back in town, like, people are looking at you like you're not supposed to be here.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:You know, I had, I pulled up to our local, local soda shop and there was this girl that was like, wes, what are you doing back here? It's only been like six months. I was like, well, it's been a year. Say dang it. Well, I guess I owe my sister 20 bucks now. And I was like, why? And she said, well, we placed a bet on whether or not you would come home early from your mission. And I said, you wouldn't. So I lost. And I was dying laughing.
Talmage Thayne:Oh my gosh, dude. Ouch.
Wes Wright:But you know, and luckily again, I didn't get offended by it because again, I got to the understanding that I did. At that point it's like everyone's sin is different and like, you know that, you know, judgment, whatever. And I know that wasn't these girls intentions. You know, it's still something that people struggle with on an individual basis that like some they have to get over. Yeah, that's something that they have to divorce themselves of.
Talmage Thayne:That's sick that you didn't hold it against them.
Wes Wright:Yeah. Because like something like that, other experiences similar to that. There, there's a lot of there. We know plenty of people that have like left the church because of things like that. Like.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:But to me, I was like, no, like, I am here because this is where God's told me to be. I, you know, I'm here, I'm here because of him. So why would I leave because of them, like that kind of mentality.
Talmage Thayne:100%.
Wes Wright:And so I was home for six months and I got to go back out and finish. And you know, it's funny because my last year of my mission was infinitely harder than my first year really, as far as like trials and things that I had to endure.
Talmage Thayne:Dang.
Wes Wright:But it just, it went to show me that like, it was really cool because it was, it really has forecasted kind of what my life has been like coming home from my mission that even like, you can repent and you can, like, become cleansed and be able to have the spirit to dwell within you. Like, every day doesn't mean your life's going to get easier. It doesn't mean you're going to, like, just prosper and abundance. Like, everything's going to just be smooth sailing. Like, no. If anything, you know, and this is like, what I tell missionaries that are going out, current missionaries, former missionaries, is a mission. Like, a mission doesn't. You know, serving a mission doesn't mean that your life is, like, going to be perfect after that.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like, it doesn't mean that you're gonna not fail. It doesn't mean that you're gonna, like, you're. You're impervious to the temptations, the adversary. It, it literally, to me has just been like a guiding light of where I know that I'm supposed to be in my life.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:You know, and the seriousness with which I took my mission and the exactness of obedience that I tried to serve the Lord with is truly what has illuminated that path to be even brighter to me in my life. That even the times, you know, when I have wandered off and I've wandered off for long periods of time, I've always known in the back of my mind, like, where I need to be and also how to get there.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah. It's so interesting because I've seen this before where there have been missionaries, or not even missionaries, just people in general do one sin and their buddies do something way worse and they're dealt with so much more harshly. And some people are like, well, the punishment doesn't match the crime kind of thing. And maybe, maybe so. And I think that as a bishop, you need to be really in tune with the spirit because every situation is different and sometimes people need to be shown more grace, and then sometimes people need to be shown a really hard hand. And I feel like I've been shown that at times. And it's been such a blessing and such a, honestly, a vote of confidence, too, to know that God can say, hey, I'm not just going to give you a little slap on the wrist. You're going to really have to work to make this better. And I'm putting this on you and this weight on you because I trust you. And I think that's a. That's a huge compliment. And I think that that's awesome that you didn't hold that against those girls when they had that bet, because you easily could have, but you had the right perspective. You're like, no, like, I'm here for God, and I am going to do this the right way. And, yeah, you guys bet. One of you guys bet against me, but thank you for betting for me kind of thing. You took it really well, and I.
Wes Wright:Love that, you know?
Talmage Thayne:And so with that being said, like, you came back on your mission. It was significantly harder the second half than it was the first. What were your thoughts when you're nearing the end of your mission? Were you feeling like, hey, man, I just. I did this super hard thing. I'm gonna go home. Like, what. What were your thoughts when you're about to go home of what it was gonna be? And then what was the reality?
Wes Wright:Yeah, I. And it's, you know, just to touch on the punishment doesn't match the crime thing. So I got to see that firsthand as well. Again, when I came back out on my mission, I had this companion that I got that. That I got put. Put with, like, my first companion back in the mission. Ended up finding out that he was, like, a closeted gay kid. And after five weeks of being together or whatever, like, one day, he just wanted to be disobedient and, like, forget the mission rolls and stuff like that. And tried to go in the bathroom with his iPad, and I, like, wouldn't let him. He ends up, like, socking me in the face. We get into it, Whatever, dude. Like, mission president gets called. You know, he's gonna ET this kid, but asked me, like, do you want to give him another chance? Whatever. And the kid's begging me for another chance. So I offer him grace and mercy or whatever. I was like, I'll give you another chance. A week later, he starts going back in his old habits. And I had this prompting to check his iPad. His iPad, see if he'd been sending any, like, out outbound mail or anything throughout the week. Sure enough, he'd been sending video or, you know, gay porn video files back and forth with this other missionary, like, on the west coast in Seattle or something like that, and then had written, like, fantasies.
Talmage Thayne:Oh, my gosh, that.
Wes Wright:Back and forth with each other, and he'd wrote one about me.
Talmage Thayne:Oh, my gosh.
Wes Wright:It was. I can laugh about it now. It's hilarious. But in the. In the. In the. In the moment, dude, like, a part of me left me.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And I was terrified. And, you know, I called my mission president. Oddly enough, our mission presence got switched that week from, like, the fight to this thing. And, you know, all said and done, we get separated. My mission. The new mission president says oh, he's going home. Like, you don't have to worry about him. Whatever. A week later, I found out he's still in mission.
Talmage Thayne:Holy cow.
Wes Wright:And I called up my mission president and I read to him the riot act. I was like, you're going to put a predator like that?
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Two other elders. Are you out of your minds? Like, you let me call the parents of those elders that you stuck that kid with, I guarantee you'll have a court. You'll have a freaking court case the size of this state on your desk by morning. Like, your life will be over. What are you doing?
Talmage Thayne:Seriously?
Wes Wright:And he said, I'm doing what I think is best. And I said, if you can't tell me what you're doing is inspired of the Lord, I don't think I can follow you. And he just verbatim said, I'm doing what I think is best. And I hung up the phone. And that was truly, like, a moment where I was like, holy crap. This is. This is why people leave the church. Like, this is. This is nuts. And, like, looking what I went through and what I was sent home for and what this kid did.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like, I had to go talk to the mission therapist for weeks.
Talmage Thayne:I was like, sure, yeah, this kid.
Wes Wright:Touched me in my sleep. Like, stuff like that. But that's overcoming that was really crazy hard. But it was something I was grateful for nonetheless, because it really, again, convicted me that, like, I'm not a member of this church because of anyone else other than God. Like, yeah, anyone in this church could do anything to me. Priesthood leader, mission president, whatever. Like, I'm a member of this church because this is where I can have the closest relationship with Jesus Christ possible on earth.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah, dude, that's crazy. I'm guessing your relationship with your mission president wasn't great after that.
Wes Wright:No. And. And even worse, like, I had a. I had a mission trainee. And again, like, again, perfect example of punishment not matching the crime. Had a mission trainee that's from West Valley, Samoan kid, and he sent him home because he'd been smoking weed before his mission. Whoa. And I'm like, you're gonna send this kid home. He's gonna go right back to West Valley, doesn't have a single positive example, influence around him or whatever. Like, what do you think his chances are of, like, falling back in the same sin and coming back out on the mission? Yeah, you know, like, this is where he needs to be, man. And he sent him home. And, you know, that trainee ended up taking his Life in January 20, 21.
Talmage Thayne:Oh, man.
Wes Wright:And that was another really hard experience for me to get over. It was just like, it's not about us. Like, you know, it's like, I'm doing my work, and whether you understand it or not, like, the work's gonna roll on, and, like, someday these things will make sense to you. But for now, like, you just have to. You can't lose your reward if you don't give up. If you. If you. If you just keep going. So.
Talmage Thayne:Dude, wow. That's incredible.
Wes Wright:But. So that was kind of, like, little sidetrack into your. Your question, whatever. But, yeah, when I literally. When I came home from the mission, I thought I was going to be invincible. Yeah. Like, I was like, I'm freaking Superman. I know the gospel now. I have the spirit every day with me. Like, there isn't anything that could possibly hurt me.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And then you get home, dude, and you start getting temptations thrown your way, and you start, you know, the adversary tries really hard, and you're, you know, you're. You know, one of the most interesting things is, like, you go from an environment where, like, everything about your everyday life is spiritual. Like, the people that you hang around, what you talk about, till you go back home and you have friends and family, they don't care to, like, talk about these things all the time. Like, they're not trying to have spiritual experiences every day.
Talmage Thayne:They find it annoying when you do talk about it.
Wes Wright:Yeah. And that was one of my things, was it kind of disheartened me to, you know, have spiritual experiences and make. And I love how you put it, like, continuing your ministry after your mission, like, even though your mission's over, like, your ministry never stops. Disheartened me from continuing in, like, the ministry of sharing the gospel and, like, being a disciple and, And. And being a light to others. And so that combined with, like, my first couple, like, mistakes that I made. You know, my idea of, like, perfectionism that I had and just, like, how strict I was with myself. Like, you know, like, I just. I. I folded. Like, I messed up, and I was like, man, like, I learned all this stuff on my mission. Like, I was sent home from my mission because of stuff, and I still can't get it right.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like, if, If, If, If God couldn't have got through to you by this. By this point in your life, man, you're cooked, dude. Like, just give up now. And, like, I literally use that, like, as my excuse or just kind of my exit to, like, you know, giving up covenants that I'd made going out and just living after the manner of Wes. And you know, I did that for like almost four years until about, almost two years ago. Like, I, you know, was in a relationship with this girl that she wasn't sure she wanted to get married in the temple or not and you know, where God, you know, resided in her life. She was very angry at him at the time for very valid reasons. But I had to decide like, hey, am I going to just get married civilly and like, is the gospel not going to have any relevance in my life at all or am I really going to, you know, dig deep and be like, yeah, no, I'm, I have to fix myself. Like, I need to be temple worthy, I want a temple marriage and things like that. And it really came back to like, you know, Wes, like you have to be like the individual, like you have to become these things. Like I, I, I for some reason thought that like, oh, like if God really wants me, like, he'll send me a girl to like pull me out of the fire, whatever kind of thing. And that's just the worst mentality that.
Talmage Thayne:You can, you're not going to get saved.
Wes Wright:Yeah. And with how stubborn and hard headed I am and just like how, you know, how I can be freaking. There isn't a girl on earth that could pull me out of that.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Literally only God could strip me of the things necessary in order to get me into a position, a place in life where he could actually use me and I could actually receive the things that he wanted for me.
Talmage Thayne:So you were, you were, you said you were engaged to this girl?
Wes Wright:No, we're just, we're just, we're dating.
Talmage Thayne:You were dating?
Wes Wright:Yeah.
Talmage Thayne:And you, how did you come to that realization that like she's not gonna be the one that pulls you out of this. Like you need to do it yourself. Was there like a moment in time that that realization came or was just gradual?
Wes Wright:It was kind of gradual throughout our like relationship until it got to the point where again like I, I, I knew that I wanted the, like I decided it's okay, I want to get married in the temple. And what does that take? And we'd broken up and as I thought about like what it took, I literally thought about, there's like a couple girls that I had like dated like years prior that or even like a year prior, I taken on some dates and I thought if that's the kind of girl that I feel like I deserve or if that's the kind of girl that I would Want to marry that I would love to raise my children, to spend a life with, to like, build a relationship around God with. Like, you have to become that person.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And so I began the work then of like, hey, if, like, what does that. What does the person that that girl wants to marry look like? And, you know, I just started, you know, repenting of all the things that I'd done. Cleaning up my language, getting rid of old habits, bad, bad habits. Things, you know, porn. Like, I. I've been porn free since, you know, like, it's been like a year, almost two years. A year and a half. Over a year and a half, dude. That's awesome.
Talmage Thayne:So congrats.
Wes Wright:Yeah, thanks, man. And just all those different things that I just started cutting away from my life one by one. My, My. My vocabulary. Just like the word. Like, I used to have the worst potty mouth.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah. Like, I. I want to ask you about that.
Wes Wright:Why?
Talmage Thayne:Why is it important to clean up your vocabulary? Why? Because a lot of people would say, like, ah, that's just a culture thing. Words are just words. They don't mean anything.
Wes Wright:Yeah. And I used to think that too, is like, I'd go, you know, even during that time, I was like, I'm coming back to church. Like, you know, I started bearing my testimony of, like, the things that are like, God was doing in my life. And then, you know, that very same day, out of the same mouth, I'd say, you know, vulgarities and just all sorts of things. And, you know, I think it's, you know, I don't know where in the scriptures or, you know, it talks about just like the mouth defileth the man, you know, and it's like, you know, and so it's like, it can either. I can. I can either like, use the words that, like, will ennoble God and like, glorify him, or I can use words that will defile me and defile, like, the person that God needs me to be. And I really, truly believe that, like, you can't, like, you can't separate the two. Like, you can't have just like an on and off switch. And, you know, and it just kind of leads to. I don't know, I just. Like, the spirit, like, doesn't dwell in unholy places. So it's like anything that the spirit wouldn't say, like, like, why should you be saying it? And so the more that I stopped talking about those things, the more I stopped cussing and whatnot, like, the more I found the spirit to be with me like, on an everyday basis, like, far more evident in my life.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Even just cutting out the music that I was listening to. Like, you know, I don't hardly listen to, like, any rap anymore. If I do, it's non explicit, you know, just being very careful to that because I. Again, part of the whole reason I got myself in the position that I did in the first place was thinking that I was so impervious, like, I was so invincible. It's like, no, like, we are very sensitive to the spirit. And me, me especially, like, you know, either I feel like the spectrum of, of. Of like the range of the spirit that I can feel is just crazy high or like crazy low. And I can feel he's not with me at all. And so I need to use that as a blessing to be like, I can have this measure of the spirit, like, this much. But it also comes at the cost of, like, you don't get to, like, talk how the rest of the world talks. You don't get to participate in these things that other people participate in.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And so really, truly making those decisions was. Was huge. And again, it was because I told myself it's like the girl that, like, this kind of girl that you'd want to marry, like, she's not going to be talking like this. Yeah, she's not. Would you want her saying these things to your kids? Would you want her, you know, any kind, like, anything like that? Like, you just know that that kind of person doesn't do those things. So why would you.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah. Like, the girl of your dreams is found on the road that leads to God. And so, like, go on that road rather than thinking that she's going to come find you and, like, fix you and take you on that road, just go on that road and you're gonna find her. I 100% believe that. And I'm a. I'm a walking testimony of that, actually. But what you were saying about, like, words and how they can defile you. The scripture, I forgot which one it said it is, but it says it's not what goes into your mouth that will defile you, but what comes out.
Wes Wright:Yes, that's what I was thinking.
Talmage Thayne:And it's so good. And I was just reading this book where it's this fantasy book. It's in this, like, kingdom, and there's these kings, heralds, and they're these knights that will go and deliver his messages. And they don't speak unless it is to deliver his messages. They're so intentional about everything that comes out of their Mouth is a decree from the king, a message from the king, whatever it is. And not that we have to be that strict about it, but it makes you think about, like, how can I be more mindful? Because a big gift I've seen in my life is not saying everything that's in my head. People will respect you more for it. They really will.
Wes Wright:Yeah.
Talmage Thayne:But, yeah, that's awesome that you started, you started making those changes in your life because you knew that the person you were most attracted to, you need to become the guy that that person's attracted to.
Wes Wright:Yeah.
Talmage Thayne:Kind of thing.
Wes Wright:Yeah, exactly.
Talmage Thayne:So, yeah, tell me about that, like, post breakup. How, how was that?
Wes Wright:It was hard because I obviously really loved her and we were like really good friends and whatnot. But ultimately it just came down to, you know, being spiritually yoked together. And I knew that in the long run we were going to have far more problems, you know, if we weren't equally yoked spiritually. And then even like my next relationship that I just got out of, like, you know, same thing, I had to break up with her because, you know, she wasn't willing to walk the same path of discipleship that I was. And I knew that like, for her, for as much as I loved her, for as much as I cared about her, I wanted to build a life with her, was attracted to her, whatever it may be, forsaking God and compromising, you know, on my, my covenants, the life that I know that he's destined for me to live, like, is a non negotiable. So it's, it, it really became, not even a question to me of like, what I had to do. Still hard nonetheless, like having to walk away from someone that you really love and you really care about, but knowing that I can't save her, you know, I, I, you know, I wouldn't want to, you know, I wouldn't want to even if I could, you know, like, I want, you know, both of those girls that I dated to have their own spiritual experiences and witnesses that convict them and, and give them the, the testimony and reassurance of the restored gospel that I have, you know, just because that's the only thing that's brought me here today is not by any one thing that anyone else has told me, is just by my own personal experiences with Heavenly Father and with the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. And so again, still very hard, but nonetheless, like, I've never had more faith in Heavenly Father and taking care of that aspect of my life than I do now. Like, it Almost feels like something that's already like taken care of or been handled and as you mentioned, like just, just going, just walking down the path, you know, you know, becoming what God wants you to be, go towards him and like, he will take care of that for you along the way. But the more that you try and get your hands involved and the more you try and you know, manipulate, fabricate, you know, relationships and get them to work in your favor because oh, I really love this, this about this person. I really want this. Whatever. It's like, that's not what he wants for you. And you know, it was so hard for so long to believe what other people say, that like when you walk that path and you receive that person that he's prepared for you, it's better than anything you could have imagined. But I truly do believe that now again, I haven't even received it, but I just know, I just know because of who Heavenly Father has allowed me to become and who he has helped me to become, that it is true. You know, if he can, if he can turn me into the person that I'm becoming every day, I know that there's someone out there that he's working on and preparing the exact same way. And it almost feels like something I don't even need to be worried about that like in the proper time it will take care of itself. And it's something that like you have probably experienced for yourself. And a lot of people that like have found their person, you know, are married, can, can talk, talk about and attest to. Is that like when it happens, like.
Talmage Thayne:How I describe my wife is she is the fulfillment of so many leaps of faith relationships with girls that were great girls, but I knew it wasn't right. I stopped that and changing things in my life that I knew I really needed to change. But like I really didn't want to let go like, like porn, like whatever it was, I let all that go and I was just like, God, I trust you. And she was the fulfillment of all of those leaps of faith. It's incredible. And I kind of have a question for you about how you got to that point again, because you were saying that when you got home, you ended up having such negative self talk that it, that basically you were saying like, I'm, I'm too far gone. If God couldn't get to me on my mission, couldn't change me there, how could he change me now? Like, it's over. So can you kind of tell us a little bit how you got to the point of Being like, no, I'm not going to compromise my standards.
Wes Wright:It was the culmination of a lot of things. Like, there truly has not been like one day where all of a sudden like a switch flipped and I was just like, back to normal. Like, it literally came at, you know, that day or, you know, a little, almost two years ago where I just made that first initial decision to like, be a little bit better and sacrifice a little bit more and more and more and more until it got, you know, last year, like right around this time actually was really a definitive moment in, in my life about like 11 months ago. You know, I, I had told you before we started the podcast, like, I'd got my temple recommend back. I had been a temple worker during the summer at the Provo City Center Temple. And then I was getting ready to move down to St. George to do this job as a strength and conditioning coach at Utah Prep. And I was like, it's a dream job. I was going to make all this money. I was going to get to work with all these super cool high end athletes and have all these amenities and things at my disposal to just have this kind of dream life. And I get down there and after like the first month, it is not as advertised at all. Like, I'm in the freaking kitchen scrubbing pots and pans and like doing, you know, room checks at night as a, as an RA for these kids or whatever and haven't received a dime. Like, I didn't get paid a dime from that school.
Talmage Thayne:What the.
Wes Wright:Yeah, they. They've got some shady stuff going on down there. I don't know. I don't think they're going to last much longer.
Talmage Thayne:That's crazy.
Wes Wright:But anyways, holy cow. Whole time I'm like, heavenly Father. Like, I thought I was supposed to be down here. Like you told me I was supposed to come down here. None of this has worked out, you know, and we're just kind of getting into my doubt, you know, getting more doubtful as like the month went on. You know, met this girl at church and hung out with her for like about a week. And you know, like the end of that week, I ended up quitting my job down there. And she ended up like going and started hanging out with one of my friends, like that night. And on my way out of town, like from St. George back up to like Utah county, my freaking car had a flat tire on the side of like I15 northbound. I had like 50 bucks in my bank account and I just broke down and I was like, heavenly Father, like what, what am I? Like what am I doing? Like, what lack I yet? Is like a question that like, has become like a staple in my life. Like, what lack I yet? The question that the rich young ruler asked, you know, the master. And the next day general conference was starting and I just promised Heavenly Father, I said I will watch and pay attention to every single second of General Conference. And like, I will be as attentive as possible. Like, anything that you want or need to tell me about my life, like, I'll do it. And like the last, last fall General conference was like a huge moment in my life where pretty much every single speaker that got up, said things and shared things with me that were just pivotal, pivotal to what I needed in my life. You know, God revealed to me that like a lot of the issues I was having and the reason I was experiencing a lot of the same trials over and over again was because like, I was kind of doing a lot of the same things just over and over again expecting a different result. Like I was still holding on to certain crutches and certain vices. You know, I still hadn't. You know, one of the things that I realized that he told me is like, I taught you how to overcome a lot of these things and how to have the spirit in your life on your mission, and you still don't do a lot of them. Like you don't pray every morning and every night. Like you don't read your scriptures every single day. Like you, you still cuss, you still speak profanities, you still listen to this kind of music. All these different things that he revealed to me. And then that's when like it really started, you know, I really started really truly changing. But in, in, in all it came from just stop, I just stopped lying to myself about who I could become. Like for the longest time, especially since I got home from my mission, I knew I was different. Like, I knew I cared about things and people in a way that was very different from the rest of the world. But I didn't like, want to believe it. I didn't think there was anything truly special about me that I had anything more or less to offer than you or any other person. And I just kind of like hid my talents. Almost like, you know, I let a lot of like the disapproval and like things of family and friends, whatever in my life and just kind of their lack of care for the things that I cared about disheartened me and just turned me away from living a spirit filled life. Like living a life with God every day. And once I finally stood up to those lies and said, no, like, it doesn't matter, like what your friends, what your family think about you or whatever, like, this is who you are. Like, this is who God has called you and asked you to be. Like, you're not going to make excuses for yourself anymore. Like, I taught you how to be the disciple and man that you need to be for the rest of your life on your mission. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks besides me. It doesn't matter how many people might point the finger of scorn at you who might remember the atrocities that you committed, the sins that you committed, like, forget about them. Like, just be who I have asked you to be and I will help you to become something greater than you've ever imagined. You know, my mission scripture. I didn't realize at the time, like when I, when I chose it, just how, just how influential it would be on my life. John 21, verse 18. Jesus speaking to Peter. When thou wast young, thou walkest with it, thou wouldest. But when thou shalt be old, another thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee and carry thee whither thou wouldest not. And this is after Peter has denied the Savior three times. This is after the Savior has visited them and left again. And he appears back to them on the shore after they've gone fishing again, abandoning their role as apostles. And I feel in a lot of ways just like Peter in that the Lord has called me so many times and so many times I did not answer. And that the day that I choose to stretch forth my hands and let him clothe me is the day that he will take me to places where I could have never even imagined having ventured on my own. And he truly has. I see miracles every day, Talmage. And if there's one thing that I want, every single person watching this podcast, whether you're going out on a mission, you're coming home from a mission, probably one of the biggest lies that you can be told as a missionary is that you don't, you won't feel the spirit the way that you do as a missionary when you get home. I can promise you you can see miracles and you can feel the spirit in your life every single day if you want. I see probably more miracles on a day to day basis that now than I did as a missionary. And it's because as a missionary you're confined to one area. Now. My mission is the world, especially in a day and age that we Live in where we have Instagram, Tick Tock, every platform of social media that you can imagine. You have every single possible avenue to be able to share your testimony and witness of Jesus Christ with. I posted a video last night on my Tick Tock at midnight talking about, talking about God's blessings that he's given to me and to all of us in our lives. And it has had like 40,000 views before I walked in here. I think holy. I don't think I talked to 40,000 people on my mission. I definitely didn't.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Like, and, and yet we think that somehow, like, we can't feel the spirit or Heavenly Father won't give us that measure of spirit to be able to share his message. Like, why would he not? It's. Again, you have to feel the spirit the way that you did as a missionary, like President Nelson was a couple conferences ago. And he's. When he literally told us, he said, in the coming days, it will not be possible to survive without the constant comfort of the Holy Spirit. And so if that's something I could reiterate and hopefully have everyone to understand, that's thinking that, like, oh, I can never feel that kind of spirit like I did on my mission. Like, no, you can feel it every single day. And I witnessed God do things in my life that just seem far beyond the realm of possibilities, especially knowing the things that I've done in my life and how many times I've turned my back on him that you can empathize with and understand Talmage, and a lot of people can. He just doesn't care about those things. He just. He just cares about what you're willing to give him today and what you're willing to give him tomorrow and the next day. And he will just make more of us than we ever thought possible. I never thought in a million years that he could make me the person that I am today.
Talmage Thayne:Honestly, we could. We could end the podcast right there. But there was one thing that I told Danny I would ask you. He briefly told me about that night in the temple parking lot. I don't know much about it. I'd love to hear your story about.
Wes Wright:Yeah, yeah. August 12, 2021, when I was playing football at BYU, I attempted to take my life. And it was. You know, it's funny because I was in the height of what everyone would call, like my dream life. You know, I was a small undersized kid at a two way high school that was never even supposed to play at a juco at Snow College. But I Did. I played at Snow College and I played well enough to make it to byu and I'm playing there and it was like probably around right before I got to BYU that I had started forsaking God and I'd started giving up the things that he had taught me and instilled in me the thing, the choices I made on my mission to, to be a disciple. And I started wandering and it led me to just darkness and led me to despair, you know, and probably, you know, like the month, couple months before my attempt was just kind of a perfect storm where, you know, I had all these things going wrong in my life, like issues, fights with my family, financial struggles, you know, football wasn't going good, I was struggling academically, you know, with COVID and having to teach myself an online curriculum at byu. And I was just going through it and you know, the cherry on top was, you know, found my girlfriend cheating on me with one of my friends. And that, you know, that was three days before my attempt. And you know, like I said, it was a perfect storm. And you combine that with a lack of sleep over the span of several days and you know, self isolating and, you know, it was kind of inevitable, honestly. And yeah, August 12, I, you know, sat in the Provo parking lot for many hours before I finally put a gun up to my chest and I pulled the trigger. And you know, after my ear stopped ringing in, my equilibrium kind of regulated and reality set in and I just. Adrenaline, you know, I called 911 immediately. And at that point after I called them, just sitting there waiting, hopefully to not die. And you know, the ambulance shows up, police show up and they get me into the stretcher, put me on the ambulance and start taking me to the hospital. And I remember it was, I got on the ambulance and it was kind of when I finally like released a little bit, I was so focused on just like not falling asleep, not passing out, just, you know, but when I got in the ambulance, I kind of knew that, okay, like I'm in good hands, like if I'm going to survive, like, you know, this is where I at least need to be, you know, in their hands. And I had kind of what I would deem an out of body experience. But you know, I remember just closing my eyes and just seeing like I was just consumed with light, you know, like my mind, like my eyes were just filled with light. And upon looking around, you know, in this realm or wherever I, wherever I was, I don't really even know how to explain it, but I could discern that there was a focal point to this light. And I could only discern it to be God. And I felt myself moving closer towards it. And I had two thoughts in that moment. And the first one was a realization that I had agency to be able to move myself closer to this light or further away if I wanted. And the second one followed right after that. And it was. And it said, you know, surely if God is still giving you your agency now, to be able to go towards him or to go back to earth, there has to be something that you have yet to do or to accomplish that. He wouldn't let you go back there if he hadn't prepared a way for you to accomplish it. And in that moment, I wanted to see what he had in store for me. And I remember snapping out of it, waking up kind of almost right as the ambulance doors opened up. And I spent the next week in the icu. You know, they had to cut into my ribs and, you know, put a. Put a. Put a drain down in there to drain out all the internal bleeding. I woke up and the doctors told me, I don't know how you survived, you know, like the bullet missed your heart by three millimeters.
Talmage Thayne:Oh, my gosh.
Wes Wright:And I suffered punctured lung, three broken ribs, and massive amounts of internal bleeding, some nerve damage, things like that. And, yeah, I just spent the next week fighting for my life until I got out. And, you know, I kind of laugh now because, you know, with how stubborn and hard headed I am, you think that would be a rude enough awakening to. To really look introspectively and be like, all right, like, what on earth got you here? And I did that in a lot of kind of worldly ways as far as, like, you know, mentality wise, perspective wise, you know, you know, fortifying your mind, building a bulletproof mind or whatever. But that was only. That only went so far before I, you know, eventually had to realize the spiritual aspects of my life that were lacking, you know, that I had abandoned that even after my attempt, I still wasn't having. I didn't have the quality of life that I knew that I wanted or desired or needed for myself. And so that led to, you know, that led eventually to the path back to God, you know, that I've been on since. But yeah, man, it was the lowest point of my life. And I'm just so glad that God spared me and gave me another opportunity to live.
Talmage Thayne:So do you feel like the feelings that you had that led you to that decision, were they more circumstantial or have you, like, suffered with, like, depression or, like, mental illness in the past?
Wes Wright:I felt like it's maybe a little bit of both. I had been going and seeing, like, our sports psychologist, therapist guy, byu, for just a little while, just talking about issues that I've been going through. I don't think it was necessarily depression. I definitely had a little bit. A little bit of anxiety, know, but I was also taking, you know, I got prescribed Adderall once for school just because of how bad I was struggling. But that made my anxiety worse. And, like, you know. You know, I would say a lot of, like, my issues, you know, stemmed from, you know, things that I hadn't taken care of, like, even, like, from my childhood and, you know, previous relationships.
Talmage Thayne:Just.
Wes Wright:There's traumas like that, like, the fear of not being loved, the fear of, you know, abandonment, the fear of not being good enough, never amounting kind of things like that to the point where, you know, the pervading thoughts in my mind leading up to me pulling the trigger was just like, I'm. I'm broken. Like, I'm beyond repair. You know, Like, I. You know, I am capable of, like, giving this kind of love to people, to someone, and it still isn't enough. Like, and if it's not enough and I have to, like, would have to go the rest of my life without experiencing it because, you know, no one can truly understand it or appreciate it or whatever. Like, that doesn't seem like life at all to me. And so it was a combination of a lot of those things.
Talmage Thayne:And you had those thoughts all the way leading up to the point you pulled the trigger.
Wes Wright:Yeah.
Talmage Thayne:And you said, like, after you had pulled it and your adrenaline started pumping, like, you immediately had, like, a survival instinct to call. Yeah, the ambulance.
Wes Wright:Yeah. You know, and that's pretty synonymous with every survivor story, you know, especially if you look at survivors that jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. You know, like, every single one of them will tell you that, like, the second their hand leaves the rail, they're filled with instant regret. But they just have, you know, six seconds before they hit the water to just, like, they don't. It's not up to them anymore.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:And so for me, it's the same thing. I know, you know, there's lots of people, survivors, that as soon as they pull the trigger, as soon as they, you know, their hand leaves the rail, their foot leaves the edge of the cliff, like, it's instant regret at that point, it's not your choice anymore. But I just. You Know, in fighting for my life, I was like, man, heavenly Father, I would. I don't care if the list of problems or trials that I have to overcome is 100 times longer than it is now. Like, I just want another chance. You know, I didn't dare anything just for another chance at life. And so I'm grateful that I am one of the few people that I know that have attempted and succeeded that was spared and that I get to live the rest of my life and try and honor them and just show gratitude every day to God as to why he was willing to give me another chance.
Talmage Thayne:It is incredible. And it's like, it's a responsibility almost. Like, I know a lot. Like, suicide has touched my life a lot with people around me, and.
Wes Wright:It.
Talmage Thayne:Makes you realize how much life is a gift. And. And I just knowing you just for the, like, two hours we've met, like, I. I feel like you do take that responsibility seriously. And it's. It's awesome.
Wes Wright:I appreciate that, man. Yeah. I mean, it's not. It wasn't my life to live in the first place. Like, it's. It's none of our lives. Like, we don't. It's not ours. But even more so now that God has spared me, like, even more so it's not my life to live. And like, it's what helps post and share some of the things that I do and being vulnerable the way that I am, because I know that, you know, I know that it's what I should have been sharing before. It's what I told God I would post and talk about on social media before. And I didn't. I didn't live up to that promise that I made with him. So even more so now. And like, again, showing gratitude for the blessing he's given me, really emphasizing that, like, it's. I've given my life to him to do with it what he will and whatever he wants to make of it. Like, you know, I'll be that. I'll be that individual. I'll be that person.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah. And so what you're doing now is you're, like you said, you're posting about your story a lot and getting 40,000 views and 12 hours just by sharing your testimony. And like, the impact that that can have on people is. It's almost an almost immeasurable. Yeah, we have the number of 40k, but, like, the actual impact on their lives is. It's incredible. And I'm sure you've gotten DMs from people that have just thanked you Profusely for what you've shared.
Wes Wright:Yeah, I do. And that's, you know, it's. It's just very. It's just very humbling. More than anything. Like, it's just humbling from the perspective that trying to fathom that God could use someone like me to share the messages that I have that could have any sort of impact on anyone's life is just seemingly unimaginable, especially to a younger version of myself, you know, but now it's something that I try and have more and more understanding with God every day and how he could possibly want to use me and ask less questions about that and just more about. All right, this is what you've put on my heart, what you've put on my mind. This is, you know, something you feel like I should share or talk about. Like, I'll. I'll do it, you know, and, you know, it's. Some days are harder than others to post and be vulnerable or whatever, but I always find that it, you know, after I post and I get the kind of, like, response that I do and just get, you know, I get that person or, you know, those several people that take the time to reach out to me and just let me know where they're at in their life and, you know, just how perfect the timing was for me to share, you know, the video, the message that I did. It always just blows my mind, you know, to know that again, that God could use someone like me. And as much, you know, as many or as little people as he wants me to me to touch or to influence, like, it doesn't matter to me. Just it's always about the One, the individual, you know, and that's what the Savior's taught all of us, is that he doesn't care about the 99 so much as he cares about the One. And anything I can do to. To try and help reinforce that and find the One, every single day is. It's just a worthy lifelong endeavor that gets me excited to wake up every morning and go find that. Go find that one. So, dude.
Talmage Thayne:Well, I really appreciate you coming on here and sharing your story. And for those people that do want to follow you and your story and where, where can they find you?
Wes Wright:Just west one, bro. That's my handle for Instagram. Tick tock. Pretty much everything. W E S F U N B R O awesome. The nickname one of my high school college roommates gave to me. And I don't, I don't know why post it. I don't know why I chose that or whatever, but it's just stuck ever since, so.
Talmage Thayne:Well, is there. Is there anything else, any last words that you would share with somebody coming home from their mission that you think would be beneficial?
Wes Wright:Every time I see missionaries, like, I just get emotional thinking about just the sacrifice of two years that they've made, that we've made, just how pivotal of a role that they play in the Lord's work and just how much they could use that time to really prepare them for the rest of their lives. I. I think about my mission every single day. I think about the people that I was able to meet. I think about the framework, the foundation that the Lord is able to lay in my life that I couldn't have experienced any of the things that I've experienced in my life. I couldn't have even played Division one football. I couldn't have done any of those things. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't because of my mission. And so, like, when you come home and when you mess up, like, don't hide yourself. You know that talk in General conference from this last one, you know, beware the second temptation.
Talmage Thayne:Yeah.
Wes Wright:Such a huge thing that I would recommend every single missionary who gave that talk. Again, I can't remember. I think it was like, a member of the 70.
Talmage Thayne:Holy cow.
Wes Wright:It was. But it's so profound. Like, seriously study that talk, because that will. That will alleviate so many issues in your life. It will prevent you from doing the things that me and Talents did where you. You come home, like, you make your first big mistake, and then you just, like, throw it all away.
Talmage Thayne:I guess. I guess that's it. I'm gonna just spiral now. Yeah.
Wes Wright:I'm useless. I'm broken beyond repair. It's like, no, there. There truly is and always will be a way back. And you know what? It. Like, it. It. It very well will take some repenting. It'll take some time in, you know, in. In the Lord's time out, whatever it may be. But, like, you, like, have. You have to understand that any amount of, like, punishment or like, chastisement, the Lord may. May give to you for. For. For. For sinning, for whatever it may be, like, it is because he loves you. And, you know, like, I can't remember what the scripture is. I think it might be in Hebrews, but, like, it says, for, like, for who the Lord chastiseth, he loveth, you know, and it will always be such a much easier road than abandoning the road at all and paving your own road, like, because you will Just, you'll create so much heartache and so much more suffering for yourself than is needed. And you know, the unraveling and the un. You know, you know, the unraveling of that lifestyle that you create is. Is hard as well. Like unlearning all of the bad choices and habits that you created for yourself and paving your own road are just as hard. And so I would just. That's what I would just really like to end on and share with.
Talmage Thayne:Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening to that episode. It's the first episode of the season, and I'm excited to be back. I'm guessing a lot of you don't know what this podcast is, and so let me give you a brief rundown. Released is designed for returned missionaries. It's designed to help you guys come back home successfully. And how I view coming back home successfully comes down to two things. Number one, you have total faith that God is planning on your success. He's. He's orchestrating a plan. He's going to work with you and your life to make sure that you have a happy life. And you have that faith that he can do that. Number two, you continue your ministry. Even though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry. I. That's kind of like my slogan at the end of every episode. I want you guys to know that it's not over just because the name tag is gone. And just as the calling is gone, you are still called to be a disciple of Christ and to minister to his sheep. I'll probably get into why I haven't done this in a while and. And why I'm coming back in a later episode. But just to give you a brief history, I started this back in 2020. I. I put out the first episode, and then Covid happened like a week later, and it was. I. I think it was divinely timed. I think that I was prompted to start it, and then suddenly, a ton of missionaries came home. That being said, the reason I'm coming back, the reason I left in the first place, Short version is life got busy. I got really busy with work. I ended up getting married. Shout out to Mary. She is the love of my life. My voice. I kind of have a cold right now. You might be able to hear that. But Mary sent me to work with a little mug of tea, so thank you. Don't worry. Herbal tea. Herbal tea. But sometimes you just need to take a step back from things, and that's okay, because life gets busy and There are other more important things in your life. And at that time in my life, it was getting married. But the reason I am back is because I feel that strong need once again. I feel a need that I. There are missionaries out there that just need some help, that need to know that they're not in it alone, that the struggles that they're facing aren't unique to them, and that I. I just want to help these guys. I want to help these girls that are struggling. So in this podcast, we talk about these struggles, but through the lens of a returned missionary. So we're talking about loss of purpose and destination. We talk about addiction and temptation and other life's tragedies as well as faith crisis. There are so many things that can just take the rug out from under you when you come home from your mission. And it was way harder to come home from my mission than it was for me to go out. And I know that's the same for a lot of missionaries out there. So if you guys think that this mission is cool, think it's something that could be really helpful. There's a few things you guys can do to help. Number one, send people my way. If you have a cool story, if you have a message that you want to share, please reach out to me. I'm more than happy to talk about it and see if it's a good fit to be on the podcast. Number two, please rate and review this podcast. It does so much. And most of all, please send this to somebody that you think could use this message. I'm so excited to be back. This is a long time coming and there are a lot of cool things in the pipeline. Like I said, I feel such a strong need to start this again and so I'm going to prioritize it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the episode and remember, God is good and is planning on your success. And though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry.
