Healing From Sexual Grooming By A Church Leader | Noah Cannon

Talmage sits down with Noah Canon, a public speaker who’s passionate about suicide prevention for teens. Noah grew up in Idaho, and during his teenage years, he began working-out in the gym and advocating for suicide prevention. At one point, while visiting an elderly leader in his stake, who was both lonely and lived alone, Noah found himself in a vulnerable situation. Recognizing signs of sexual grooming, he immediately left and told his parents. 

Noah goes on to describe the damage this event caused: feelings of guilt, loss of his childhood, the distrust of church leaders, and the overall feeling of brokenness. Nevertheless, Noah didn’t let this event define him or take away his testimony. He describes that by leaning on Christ’s atonement, he could be healed, not only from his own sins, but from the trespasses of others.

This Episode was recorded on November 3th, 2025

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00:00 — The End of Childhood: Encounter with a Trusted Leader

00:01:24 — Introducing Noah Cannon: Mission & Mental Health Advocacy

00:02:16 — Growing Up in Burley, Idaho & the Influence of Church Community

00:05:03 — Early Mental Health Struggles and Finding Hope Through Exercise

00:08:18 — Progress is Possible: Motivational Speaking & Faith Parallels

00:12:05 — Building Friendship and the Experience of Sexual Grooming

00:16:19 — Processing Guilt and Healing after Abuse

00:21:05 — Discovering the Depth of Christ’s Atonement

00:24:36 — Justice, Forgiveness, and Healing Journey

00:30:01 — Turning Outward: Suicide Prevention & Sharing Hope

00:37:53 — Serving a Mission & Integrating Suicide Prevention Work

00:42:40 — Ministry After Mission: Public Speaking & Impact

00:51:25 — Advice for Returning Missionaries: Progress, Accountability, and Faith

00:55:48 — Closing Remarks & Where to Connect with Noah Cannon

Noah’s Links: 

https://www.instagram.com/noahcanon?igsh=MW1wdHQwamg5Ynl4NQ==

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-progress-podcast/id1515738765

https://open.spotify.com/show/3Tz1Nu1WdMK3lUxOdi3ow9 

Talmage/Released’s Links:
https://www.instagram.com/talmagethayne/
https://www.instagram.com/released_thepodcast/
https://www.youtube.com/@talmagethayne21
https://www.tiktok.com/@talmagethayne

Remember, God is good and is planning on your success. And though you've been released from your mission, you haven't been released from your ministry.

Transcript

0:00

Trusted leader in my stake. I started to build a friendship with him. He was an older guy. He was lonely. And I felt like it was my Christian duty, a good thing to do to keep him company. But on one of these visits, he. He did something that was more than just a little weird or awkward. He actually crossed a line into something that I was able to recognize as sexual grooming. And I think that his intent was to just keep moving the needle closer and closer. He was. He was methodical. I think of that as probably the event that symbolized the end of my childhood. You could easily have let it become bitterness and hatred and an excuse to leave the church or to be mad at God. I'd taken the sacrament before with real hopes of the Savior cleansing me of my sins and mistakes. But now I found myself asking for his help to be cleansed and relieved of somebody else's mistakes. And that actually was not contingent on him asking for forgiveness, on him changing on even him having regret for his choices. I felt empowered and free to be liberated by Jesus Christ, independent of anybody else. In this episode, I got to interview Noah Cannon. Now, this is a heavy episode. We talk about some really deep and hard stuff. Noah was actually sexually groomed as a young man, and it is heartbreaking and hard, but also so encouraging to know that Christ can heal all wounds. Noah served in the Kansas Wichita mission. He is passionate about youth suicide prevention and mental health. He speaks for a variety of youth organizations about topics like self improvement. And it's fueled by his personal mission to help these young people know their full potential. His key message is progress is possible. Let's not delay anymore. Let's jump right into this episode. Okay, Noah, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Um, let's just jump into it. Who is Noah Cannon? And like, how were you raised, where are you from and what made you want to go on a mission in the first place? Sure. I appreciate you talmage for. Yeah, for having me on number one and number two, for doing this. Yeah. You know, the world needs more messengers of light and joy and hope and good. And I know that that's your intention with this podcast and with everything that you do. So I'm happy to be a part of it. I started out as a child like most people do. Dude, great. Same, same. And in my household growing up, anything that was to do with the church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was just a non negotiable. And it wasn't a non negotiable. Like my parents had to Put their foot down and be stern with us. It was just normal. It was just what we did. Monday nights, we'd have family home. Evening. Wednesday nights, we'd have youth activity, and Sunday we'd go to church. And so I started to find a lot of solace and comfort in those rituals. From a very young age. It was just normal. And even maybe before I was mature enough to start building a relationship with God on my own, I just found comfort in the routine and the community. Yeah. Knowing there were good people around. It's huge for kids. It's huge. Yeah. Yeah. The church became just another safe place for me. Even if my mom and my dad and my siblings weren't around, There were other people in my circle, my community, who I knew cared about me, and they invested a lot in me at that time, as a young person. Remind me, where were you raised? I was raised in Burley, Idaho. Burley, Idaho. Okay, sick. Let's go. It's a pretty small town, but where's that next to? It's. Well, it's next to a lot of potato fields, to be totally honest with you. Great. Twin Falls is probably the nearest city that folks might familiar with. Yeah. But on my mission all the time, when people would ask burley, where's Burley? I tell them, you know, Boise. Same state. Same state. Because that's there, that general area. Yes, exactly. So how do you feel about the potential of getting some of. Is it Oregon or Washington? Oh, have you heard about that? Changing the border? Yeah, I have heard about it. So, like, the greater Idaho border or whatever. I don't. I don't have strong feelings either way. Yeah. When I think of Oregon, I think of the part that touches the ocean. Yep. That's the part I'm most interested in. Yeah. If the rest wants to join or the whole thing, I. I don't mind. Sweet. Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. Cool with me. That's cool. That's way cool. Okay. So, yeah, you're from Burley, Idaho. You find you found a lot of solace and peace in. In these ritual. Not just rituals, but just, like, this lifestyle as well as community. Yeah. Yeah. Keep telling me about your childhood. How were you raised, and why you ended up going on a mission. Yeah. A mission for a lot of folks I think might have a similar story. Was just a part of the blueprint, part of the plan. And I had made a commitment from a young age that that's what I wanted to do, Because I did feel faith inside me and a Testimony that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. And the first time I think that that that idea started to be challenged was around middle school. I started to have some real serious struggles with my mental health. And I think that a struggle with mental health at that time of life or at some time in life is something that just about all of us will go through. But middle school in particular, dude. Yeah, it's a tough time. Kids, kids are rude, kids are mean. You've got puberty, you've got, you know, you're riding the fine line between adulthood and still being a child. Raging hormones. Raging hormones, exactly right. And so I started to face all of that and also started to get into some bad habits that I think I kind of relate to Joseph Smith when he writes about how, you know, he got into bad habits that were typical of people of his age. He said, you don't have to accuse me of anything crazy because I wasn't doing anything crazy. But you know, a lot of kids this age do these bad habits. Yeah, exactly. And I struggled with some of that. And those rituals and routines started to become less meaningful for me during that time. Yeah, I think I would do some hasty Sunday morning repentance where I'd say sorry for my mistakes of that week, but not really draw upon the power of Jesus Christ through his atonement and the ordinances. But that all started to change because again, I had a powerful community around me who supported me. I remember a particular conversation with my mom where she pulled me aside and she mentioned some of the changes in me that she had noticed. She mentioned that she noticed I was feeling depressed more often, that I was struggling. And she invited me, she said, you know what, Noah? I bet that you would feel better if you started to exercise more. And as a 13 year old, prideful little boy, I thought, mom, I don't need it. I feel great. I can beat you in a race. Exactly, exactly right. But about a week later, after that conversation with my mom, I was feeling some pretty intense darkness. It was one of those nights, I'm sure we've all had a night or two like it where you're willing to do anything to change the way that you feel. You're just desperate. Yeah. And because I was desperate, I remembered what my mom had told me. And I snuck upstairs next to the TV and I stole her two five pound dumbbells she used to do Jillian Michaels workouts with. Oh, nice. For those who don't know Jillian Michaels, she's kind of like a Richard Simmons like exercise video that's funny. Anyway, I took him down into my basement. I went on YouTube and I searched up how to exercise. And I just clicked on the video with the biggest. The guy with the biggest biceps. He also happened to have a big Viking beard. Nice. And I started to do. I think I did like, dumbbell. Press was the first exercise I ever did. And immediately I started to feel different. I was hooked pretty much from that first night on. And after just a couple of weeks of adding a workout routine to my daily routine, I could actually see a difference in my body. Nice. I was so skinny and little at that time. And maybe the difference was imagined, I couldn't tell you. But that. That moment was pivotal for me because it taught me the lesson that I'm still echoing today, which is three words that I believe more than any others. Progress is possible. Progress is possible in the moment. You can change the way that you feel by moving your body. And I learned from that experience that if. If I can change the shape of my body, what else can I change? Yeah. And it started to spiral out into the rest of my life. As you probably know, the. The rabbit hole of YouTube can lead you a lot of places. Oh, yeah. And so from exercise videos, I went pretty quickly to, like, motivational speaking videos and became, you know, fully invested in suicide prevention and motivation. And. Who are some of your favorite motivational speakers? Les Brown. Les Brown is a great one. Yeah. E.T. i love E.T. the hip hop preacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tony Robbins. For me, Tony Robbins changed my whole life. Yeah, yeah. I've heard a lot. I. I haven't listened to as much of his stuff, but I've heard a lot of people, like, say that he was huge in their lives. Right. Yeah. One of the reasons that he was so impactful for me, I didn't learn until years later the reason why is because he was teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ mingled with a little bit of principles of men. Right. Maybe no fault of his own, maybe he's not familiar, had a chance to encounter the restored gospel. But the processes that he teaches are really very similar to the doctrine of Christ. And it's the same way with any teacher. How so? Can you lay out some of those parallels? Sure, absolutely. Tony Robbins, he loves to tell us that life is about our focus, where focus goes, energy flows. And he talks about how before we can create something in reality, we have to believe it in our minds. He also talks a lot about the power of physiology and how moving our body, taking massive action is one way to turn around our circumstance, which I discovered through working out, you know, physiology moved my body, moved my whole life in a different direction. And that, to me, later on, I realized was the same thing that I was being taught in Primary, that we need to have faith, we need to take action, even when it doesn't make sense and you can't see what the results will be. Repent, like, do things differently, see things differently than the way you used to, and then that cycle continues. And also creating it in your mind, the plan before you actually do it is exactly what was done for this Earth is all created spiritually first before it was implemented. God said, hey, this is what I want to do now. Let's build it. And so. And we can do that in our own lives and just say, like, hey, this is the plan I want to make. Gonna go by faith, because maybe I don't have all of the evidences that it's gonna turn out this way, but if I start this massive action, I have faith that it's gonna turn out good no matter what it is. And then we can do that, and we can see the changes in our bodies or the changes just in our attitude. And a lot of times those are coupled together, right? Absolutely. I love what President Nelson taught us about faith, using the Greek word metanoiao. I think there'll be folks who listen, who can pronounce it better than I can. Yeah, but how? It's a change of breath, and it's a change of the way that we see ourselves and the whole world around us. Interesting. I think that that's what I started to experience during that time as I listened to motivational speakers, and then as I started to recognize that what they were teaching me and the reason it was so impactful was because it was the doctrine of Christ. But pretty quickly in my life, I met another obstacle. I think I was able to keep the depression that I was experiencing at bay, largely just with the coping skills that I had been learning. For some people, it might not be that way. They might require therapy or medication, which I totally support. It's a good fit for some, but for me, a trusted leader in my stake, actually, I started to build a friendship with him. He was an older guy. He was lonely. And I felt like it was my Christian duty, a good thing to do to keep him company and to visit him occasionally. And so I would do that as a teenager. This is maybe 16 years old, so a couple years down the road, and there were some things about him that were kind of weird, and I mostly wrote those things off as him being an old guy. Just old. A little awkward. Yeah, exactly. Right. And I felt really not a lot of apprehension in continuing to visit him because my family trusted him. He was trusted in the community. He was a leader in our stake. But on one of these visits, he did something that was more than just a little weird or awkward. He actually crossed a line into something that I was able to recognize as sexual grooming. Man and sexual abuse. Moving in that direction. Yeah. How did you recognize that? You're young. Yeah, I was really young. Yeah. I think because that's like. I don't know. That's tough. Yeah, that's really tough. Yeah. I think ultimately it comes down to the light of Christ is what let me know that the. It wasn't an innocent violation, that his intentions were unsafe. Yeah. And something I needed to be aware of. But at the same time. Do you mind if I ask. Sure. About any details? Yeah, go ahead. What was he, what was he doing? Like, what was it that kind of sent those red flags off in your mind being like, oh, wait, this isn't what I thought it was. Sure. So I don't feel totally comfortable telling everything, but I'll share what I feel comfortable with. Yeah. Share what you feel comfortable with. And if after the fact you're like, let's just cut that all out. I totally will. Sure. Yeah. So in my visits with this friend, I'd tell him about the things I was interested in. And as a 16 year old kid, I was super interested in the gym and working out and you know, he'd see sometimes my videos on Facebook, my posts about gym progress or whatever and encourage me. And it wasn't that odd to me. But then he'd be, you know, sometimes he'd massage my shoulders and do totally innocent things as far as touching that that were slowly just like Satan does, moving closer and closer to something else. Yeah. And on, on the visit that I was able to recognize that his intentions were unsafe. He just started to try to touch me other places. And everybody has an imagination. I can imagine what that was like. I'll say that I'm grateful that it didn't go as far as it has for many other people. And I feel, you know, I feel condolences and I feel sorry for those who have been abused in a worse sense than what I experienced. But it was far enough that I was harmed. Yeah. Not in a physical sense, but in a spiritual sense. Yeah. A trusted leader of your church, you, you realized that he had very bad, negative sexually grooming intentions. That, that's something you don't just like, brush off. You're like, I probably won't go back there again. It's something that sticks with you. Yeah. And so, like, what did you do when you realized that? Did you just kind of like make up an excuse to get out of there or. Yeah. What were your thoughts in the moment? So, yeah, I did. I did let him know that I was uncomfortable and then I left. And I think that his intent was to just keep moving the needle closer and closer. He was, he was methodical and patient in his process. And that's what groomers do. That's what the devil does. Yeah. You know, talk about how to boil a frog, you don't just toss him right in boiling water. You do it by degrees. And I think that was his intention. Luckily, thankfully, I was able to recognize before it got to a place where it could have been more extreme. And the light of Christ is what allowed me to know that something was wrong. But at the same time, I felt a lot of guilt and a lot of discomfort spiritually. Yeah, that was actually assigned to the wrong place in that situation. I've come to recognize through the repentance, not the repentance process, but through the forgiveness process, through the healing process, that I wasn't at fault. And no victim of grooming or sexual abuse or sexual assault is to blame for what has occurred to them. Could you, could you speak to that? Because I heard this so many times where people are people who have been groomed or assaulted in any way, they. They take the blame upon themselves. Can you kind of walk me through, like, their logic of why they get to that point? I think the best way to describe the emotion that I felt immediately after was guilt. And I think I felt that because guilt was familiar to me. I'd made mistakes before. I'd felt dirty before because of my own sins. I'd never felt dirty and unclean and unworthy before due to somebody else's choices. And so even though it was my perpetrator's sin and his mistake, I somehow felt the guilt assigned to me just because my spirit could tell something was wrong. And as a 16 year old boy, I thought, I mean, I could take this guy, like, I can defend myself. I'm not helpless. I'm not a little child. And I wasn't in some senses, not in the physical sense. But I was vulnerable because I trusted him. I was vulnerable because I was naive and innocent and I didn't expect something like that to happen. And you think the guilt came from Your knowledge, or your sudden knowledge of being that vulnerable, like, I should be stronger? Like, is that where the guilt came from? Or did it come from some weird kind of, like, opposite of projecting, but you just, like, accept their guilt? That's where I'm kind of hung up on, because I know it's a very real thing. But how do. How do these victims get to that point of taking on that guilt? Yeah. Well, I thought I should have been smarter. I thought I should have recognized the signs. But, of course, hindsight is 20 20. Yeah. And once the line is crossed, then you realize, oh, all these little subtle things leading up to that were all ultimately with that same intention as I worked through this. So I pretty quickly shared this information with my mom. Shared what happened with her. Yeah. Because she'd built trust with me. Yeah. My parents let me know that whatever I was experiencing, struggling with, whether it be my own mistakes or things that happened to me, they were on my side. And so I let my mom know about it. And I wasn't sure what was her reaction? Well, I. I wasn't sure if it was a big deal, so I kind of mentioned it offhand. It was me and her driving in the car, and I let her know, hey, this guy, like, he touched me in this way, and I didn't feel right about it. And I wasn't sure how big a deal it is. I'm not going to go back there, but I just wanted to let you know. And she immediately thanked me. She said, noah, thank you for sharing this with me. And it's a big deal, and we need to do something about it. And so what we did was reach out to our stake president because this guy was a leader in our stake, and also because I think my parents were wise enough to know that I needed. I needed help from the master healer. We. We trust in Jesus Christ. In my family, that's one of the pivotal things that was just foundational to my growing up. And we trust in priesthood keys. We know that some of the help that the Savior has to offer us is only available through the priesthood keys that he's assigned on the earth. When I look back at that experience, I think of that as probably the event that symbolized the end of my childhood. And that's a hard and heartbreaking thing, that is. But also, I look back at that event with immense gratitude and humility because it began my maturity and my adulthood as far as the growth of my testimony. I'd been through struggles. I'd repented of my own sins and mistakes. Up until that point, I'd received the Savior's help and sucker to overcome some struggles with my mental health. But never until that experience had I experienced, had I tasted and witnessed the depth of the Savior's atonement when he tells us that it's infinite and eternal. That's hard for anybody to grasp, but I started to grasp it a little bit when I actually felt his forgiveness for this individual who had wronged me. Yeah. I found as I met with my stake president and as I prayed and desperately clung to my faith in Christ, I found myself actually praying for the person who had hurt me. And that's the kind of love that's legendary. You know, we read about it in the scriptures and think, is that. Can that be real? But I found not only that it was real, but that it was necessary for me to completely heal from that experience of being sexually groomed. I needed to desire healing and. And change for my perpetrator. Dang. I can't even imagine. Did at any point before you, like, started this healing process, did you or your parents ever want to retaliate or like, obviously, like, talking to the stake president and everything is. Is needed, but did you ever want to, or again, like, somebody you, you know, like your. Your father or mother want to retaliate against him out of anger or. Or anything like that? That's an interesting question. It's a good question. I think the reason why it was so important for me to forgive my perpetrator was because I couldn't fully heal until I had forgiven. Yeah. I'd taken the sacrament before with real hopes of the Savior cleansing me of my sins and mistakes. But now I found myself coming to the sacrament table, coming to the altar in a way and asking for his help to be cleansed and relieved of somebody else's mistakes. Yeah. And I found that the same atoning power of Jesus Christ that had cleansed me was also healing me. He covers sin, not only our sins that we willingly repent of, but he can overcome the effects of other people's sins on us as well. And that actually was not contingent on my perpetrator, on him asking for forgiveness, on him changing on even him having regret for his choices. I felt empowered and free to be liberated by Jesus Christ independent of anybody else. Dang. That. That is honestly so incredible and so key that you caught it so fast because you could easily have let it become bitterness and hatred and an excuse to leave the church or to be mad at God or. Or to do so many things to retaliate. But the fact that you caught it so fast and you're like, no, the thing I need most isn't. Isn't vengeance. It's not a target to blame or to just, like, throw a tantrum at. Not that people who are victims and get mad are throwing tangents. Yeah. Our God is a God of justice. Yeah. He's a good place for that. But the fact that you caught it so fast and you're like, no, the best thing for me is healing. And that can only be done through Christ's atonement. I think that's incredible. And I'm sure that your family had a huge part to do with that. Yeah. In teaching you about the gospel. Oh, absolutely. So, dude, that's amazing. Yeah. I think there were two conversations, and there's kind of an ongoing conversation about justice. Yeah. And justice, to me, what it is is prevention. If this individual is put in a situation where he could take advantage of somebody else again, then that would be truly heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah. And so my only focus as far as justice is making sure that nobody else has to experience what I experienced. But the other conversation is about my healing. And I might have sugarcoated it or misled. Yet it wasn't a completely linear, easy journey. I bet it was hard. It was hard because my trust in God was shaken. Yeah. Not because God had done anything wrong. Not because God had let me down, but because a leader, a priesthood holder had let me down. And priesthood holders and. And folks who have made a baptismal covenant are a symbol of Jesus Christ. And I think that my faith matured through this experience because I recognize that folks who do their best to follow Jesus Christ, even folks who are not guilty of this kind of mistake, even they fall totally short. Even I fall totally short. And so we have to be able to keep our trust in God independent from our trust in the symbols of God. We got to recognize that the church, as much as I love and believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, as much as I know and can testify that it's Jesus Christ's church, it's always going to be two or three steps behind where the Savior actually is. Yeah, 100%. In meeting with my stake president, we started to unpack some of the guilt that I experienced. And what I realized was that I didn't quite totally believe the Savior. I didn't quite totally believe the promise of his atonement, of being totally free from our past when we repent. In fact, I almost saw this terrible experience as. As something I deserved. I thought, I've made some pretty bad mistakes. I've done some things wrong. And I'm not sure how the Devil tried to convince me, but he did try to convince me that this was something that I deserved. And my stake President, he shared with me that if I. If I believed that, in a way, what I was saying is that what the Savior already suffered for me in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross wasn't enough. If I thought that I needed to suffer something else because of my mistakes, that this was justice, then I was, in a way, spitting in the Savior's face. Dang. For the price that he'd already paid for my sins and my mistakes. And so I had to reframe this experience as if it wasn't payback against me for my mistakes. Why did God allow something like this to happen? And I'm not sure I can totally answer that question for myself or for anybody else who's been a victim of sexual abuse or any of the other heinous crimes on the list. But what I can testify to is the fact that my complete dependence on the Savior to overcome and heal from this obstacle is worth the price of what I had to pay to experience. Yeah. Even though it was painful, even though it broke me and ended my childhood in a unsavory way, I now have a testimony of Jesus Christ that what I used to feel and what I used to know doesn't touch where I'm at on the other side of this experience. Yeah. Dude, that's incredible. When you. So you were 16 when it happened? When do you feel like. How old were you? Did it. Did it take months, years before you realized, like, hey, I am. I am whole because of Christ, and I can. I can be, like, healed from this. How. How long did that take you? That's a good question, and I apologize. I know I've. Chronology. Yeah, no, you're good. Messed up on the way I've been telling the beginning of the story, then the middle, then the end, whatever. I don't know if I could say that there's been a moment. It's definitely a progressive thing. Yeah. What I can say is that healing for me right now looks like turning outward. I would say that I'm in the phase of my healing journey where it's all about finding somebody else who needs to hear that there's hope. I had to find it first. I had to gain my own witness that God is good, that Jesus Christ can heal me. Now I feel called to share that. Witness and that is when you kind of gained that hope for yourself. That's when you started turning outwards. And you. You joined a group, a suicide prevention group. So actually, my. My work in suicide prevention and being passionate about that preceded this event. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. I'd been super passionate about suicide prevention even before I had this experience. What kicked it off? Like, why. Why were you so passionate about it? What kicked it out for me was my own struggle with my mental health. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I found not only that exercise was a great coping skill for me, but also just sharing what I was learning, what was helping me, brought me a lot of hope and light as well. Wow. Dang. How. How important or how helpful was it to be part of this organization, talking about this message while in the midst of this crazy ordeal you found yourself in? Because, sorry, I have heard of a lot of. Just as you're thinking, yeah, I'll. I'll keep talking. But I have heard of a lot of people who have had that kind of abuse that have sought to take their life. And so before this, like, my mind is just, like, automatically connected. I'm like, oh, okay, he got through this experience and he. He started sharing this message, but that's not the case. You were sharing it before it even happened. Yeah. And so, like, if it did have an effect or if it did help you get through this experience, like, what was that like? Yeah, that's a good question. Again, I'll reflect on what some of my initial response was when I did recognize I was being sexually groomed. I remember writing down in my journal that I was not going to allow this experience to rob me of my testimony. I knew that I was at risk for a number of things, as now, I guess, a victim. I mean, we need to be careful with the labels we put on our. Ourselves, because you don't want to call yourself a victim. But you know that I want to call myself a survivor because it feels more triumphant. Yeah. But I. Yeah, I recognize that I was a victim. In some senses. I am a victim. And I don't mean to, you know, put dirt on that terminology. Yeah. But that wasn't going to become my primary identity. Identity. I. I needed to identify myself primarily with Christ. So I wrote. I wrote down, and I made the resolution within myself. I will not let this experience rob me of my testimony. I knew that it was more likely that I would leave the church after this. I knew it was more likely that I'd probably lead a life of misery after this. In fact, it was even more Likely that I'd become a perpetrator myself. Oftentimes perpetrators of sexual abuse, you find out that they were abused when they were younger. Yeah. And I essentially decided that I was going to end the cycle right there. And I realized that so much already was stolen from me already. My childhood was stolen from me already. My innocence was stolen from me. My testimony. I wasn't going to let him take that. Not going to let it. Not going to let it happen. And so I made some changes in my life to hold on to the gospel tighter. Up until this point, I had the rituals, my family had established the good habits. But now when I studied the Scriptures, I didn't just do it because it was what I was supposed to do. I did it because I was seeking for Jesus Christ's counsel to me. Heavenly Father's counsel to me. As now not only an onlooker on the blind man or the woman with the issue of blood who needed healed. As someone who needed healing, myself, my stake president shared with me a scripture that is one of my favorites to this day. Doctrine of Covenants 8421. Talking about how in the ordinances, that's where the power of godliness is manifest in our lives. And I started to attend church not just so I could dress up and so I could be with my friends at church, but I came to church looking for the Savior's healing. I mentioned that this experience made it difficult to trust. It made it honestly. So I didn't want to look up at the stand during church. It made me hyper aware of the incongruencies of leaders. None to this degree. Yeah. But imperfection started to bother me a lot more. I thought, is there anybody I can trust? And instead I would just look down on my shoes as the sacrament was being passed. And now I'm comfortable with the fact that we're imperfect as we try to follow Christ. But it was a necessary phase in my journey to be totally uninterested with every part of the church except the Savior. Yeah. I came to church on Sunday just for him. Yeah. And I didn't want to see anybody else. Seeing everybody else annoyed me and was a distraction because it reminded me of the bad experience I'd been through. I came for him. What a blessing to be able to say that, like I came purely for Christ. I didn't want to see anybody. I didn't. I wasn't there for the treats after, after mutual. None of that. It was just for Christ because then you have this confidence that you're like, yeah, my testimony is solid. It's not built on anything else besides him. And so, yeah, I love, I love that. Dang. And so you're, you're in this group about suicide prevention. You said that you were super passionate about it. Yeah. Is there somebody in your life that had committed suicide that caused you to be so passionate about this? So for a lot of people, the, the easy, the on ramp, the typical on ramp to suicide prevention and advocacy work is a personal experience like that. For me. It wasn't for me, thankfully. It was a near miss. I struggled with depression, but I never really contemplated taking my own life. But you could, like, see how people could get there. I could totally. I had some degree of empathy for that experience. And I made a video actually about my experience as a member of the HOPE Squad, which is a peer to peer suicide prevention program that's in schools throughout Utah, throughout the United States. And the owner, the founder of HOPE Squad, saw my video and he wanted me to be more involved. Nice. And so as a junior in high school, I started to get really passionate about suicide prevention. I was involved on a national level, you know, attending different, mainly zoom meetings, to be honest with you. And as senior year of high school, I started making suicide prevention content part time, getting paid to do this from home. And so when the time rolled around for my mission, something I was locked in on from the age of 12, probably, I was a little, I was a little reluctant. Yeah. I thought, I feel really called. I felt a lot of God's hand and God's help in this direction of working in suicide prevention. And I don't know if this door is still going to be open when I get home in two years. Yeah. Like, who knows if this relationship I built with this founder and owner of this company is going to hold up that long. But I knew it was what I needed to do because of my, I would say largely because of my experience healing from attempted sexual abuse and grooming. I knew that even other righteous causes and suicide prevention is certainly one pale in comparison to sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ. There's nothing like it. Yeah. And so even if it was, even if it meant sacrificing my, you know, exciting career, I was willing to do it. Yeah. And what I learned on my mission was that God wastes none of our experiences. All of the preparation that he'd given me, all of the passion that he had gifted me with in the world of suicide prevention was poured out in my mission as well. Every single area of my mission. I had serious Interactions built a meaningful relationship with somebody who seriously struggled with suicide. Wow. Whether it was past attempts, whether it was like they had lost a loved one in my last area, unfortunately, someone who I taught lost their life to suicide. And my companion and I were probably in the last five people on earth to see her alive. I've asked permission from her family to share her name. I'll just share her first name with you. Her name's Jordan. Jordan. She was about my age as a young missionary, and as I was preparing to return home, losing her to suicide was heartbreaking, and it was hard. And it also was a huge confirmation to me of what my next mission should be about. Heavenly Father was preparing me to continue the ministry, continue his work of sharing the light and the hope of Jesus Christ and his gospel. Now, in a different context. Yeah, I could lose the tie and the name tag, but I was still just as locked in on trying to do God's will. And I. I can testify I still receive his help. Even though I'm not a missionary anymore, I still feel him helping me every day to share a message that he desperately needs to get out to his children. I. I shared this with you when we were on the phone the other day, but this podcast's kind of slogan is, remember, God is good and is planning on your success. Yeah. And though you've been released from. From your mission, you've not been released from your ministry. And it sounds like you took that and you're like, no, I'm not. I'm not slowing down. I'm not gonna take my foot off the gas pedal when I get home. But I'm gonna jump right into my next calling. And in a way. Well, it's not a calling that is given from a church leader or the prophet like a mission call is, but it's directly from God. And so it's. It's such a blessing to have that so early on, like, knowing even before you're done with your mission that's what you want to do. Yeah. Because so many missionaries come home and have no idea. And so what an awesome, awesome blessing. So tell me. Tell me a little bit about. You're in your last area. Like you said, you're going through this crazy experience with your friend Jordan. When you were about to go home, what was your idea of what home life would be like? And then what was the reality? Was there any disparity between the two? Sure. It's a good question. So my whole mission, I'd been hoping that I could come back and continue working in suicide prevention. But again, I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if that opportunity would still be alive. I was called. I was set apart as a missionary on October 17, and then two years later, on October 17 is when we lost Jordan to suicide. I came home on October 24th. I spent 10 days at home in Burleigh, Idaho, with my family. And then on the 11th day, I moved to Provo. I started work right away in suicide prevention. So they just picked you right back up? They picked me right back up. I had emailed the founder of the company a couple times out on the mission to say, hey, don't forget about me. I still want to do this. By the time I came home, the founder of the company had actually taken a step back and was serving a mission for the church of Jesus Christ the Latter day saints in Hawaii. Let's go. And so he was totally supportive of my mission, understood it, and was happy to have me back on as a part of the work. I think one of the common misconceptions that's been shattered for me pretty quickly is the idea of a perfect missionary. Personal study. Yeah, it just maybe so tough. It's tough. Maybe some folks can do it, but I can't. At least not on the schedule I used to. You don't have the time that you had as a missionary. You had two hours. Some missionaries, like, two and a half. Right. Blocked out every single day. Right. I don't know. That's tough. That's tough nowadays. It's super tough. But what I have found is that there's still a through thread of my whole life, that if I choose to look for God's hand, I can totally find it. It's a little different because, you know, we're not stopping to pray on our knees every 15 minutes, which I loved, but we could have a prayer in our heart continually. A lot of what I do now for the company I work for, the nonprofit, is public speaking. So I'll get to go and visit schools, whether in a classroom setting or an assembly setting. And for me to speak in a way that inspires folks, that brings hope, that actually moves the needle forward as far as suicide prevention and overcoming the stigma around mental illness. I know that I need to teach by the spirit, which is the same exact need that I had as a missionary. The things that we learn in Doctrine and Covenants 50, the charges that we're given, they still apply to me as much now as they did back then. I don't use the Savior's name. Working for Hope Squad and Hope for Utah talking about suicide prevention. I can't usually do it when I go visit a school, but what I do talk about is hope. What I do talk about is light. And those are titles of Jesus Christ as well. And they can be just as powerful in the context where those are the appropriate titles to use. And kids like you will be able to make those parallels like you did with Tony Robbins message. Kids will be able to make those parallels when they see it. And they'll be like, oh, Christ is Hope. Christ is light. He is the one that can help me progress and help me change. And so that's awesome. And so do you travel around Utah and do that? Okay. Yeah, yeah, I travel around Utah working for Hope for Utah, which is the nonprofit. And then I also speak independently and travel around the sky's the limit to share this message as well. Freaking go. Yeah. That's actually a dream of mine, is I want to. I want to become a public speaker. I haven't done much to actually make that dream happen besides start this podcast. I started this podcast about five years ago, but public speakers have always fascinated me because I was so bad at speaking to people just in conversation, at a pulpit or. Or with any kind of confidence. And so it was so tough for me. But I loved listening to ET Les Brown especially. He's like, my favorite. They just speak so well. And it was like, always a dream of mine to someday do that. And eventually I'm sure that'll happen. But. But that's so cool that a guy of your age, you're like, 20. I'm 21. 21. You're doing it. Yeah. You're going around speaking all over the state, and soon probably all over the country. Like you said, the sky's the limit. And so, dude, way to get started. Yeah. Appreciate you, Talmage. Dude, it's hard to imagine that you found it hard to speak with confidence in your past. Yeah, I. Dude, I. I didn't learn how to read till I was, like, 11. I had a speech impediment. I was. It was really tough for me, and I was extremely shy. Couldn't talk to people, ran away from girls because they said hi to me, and really because I was so scared. But. But it's. I don't know. God gave me a passion for the things I'm really bad at, which I think is a way, number one, to humble me, but also to rely on him because he, like you said, progress is real. It can happen. He can help you change. And I believe that If I have my faith in him and I'm doing something that I believe will move his kingdom forward, he will bless me with those. With those skills. Yeah. And so, yeah, words are interesting to me. When. When a man worketh by the power of faith, he worketh by the power of words. God spoke and light entered the world. God spoke and the world was created. Yeah. It's how he made us. We read in the Book of Ether about how people could speak and the earth would move and they could command trees, they could command the elements. Right. And it's interesting. Sometimes I'll walk into a room and I share a presentation. I speak for an hour, and then I get paid X amount and I leave the room. And what have I provided? Nothing. Nothing that's visible. There's nothing tangible. But hopefully what I provided is a change in the hearts and the minds of the individuals who were there for that experience. They leave the room with no physical change, but hopefully an internal change. And that's actually something that's priceless. When we speak, we're not creating in the physical sense, but in a way, we're creating some of the things that are most real when we share truth. Especially when we share truth. That's confirmed by the power of the Holy Ghost. Yeah. Because the good word. What. What is it in the Book of Mormon? It has a greater effect on the minds than the sword. I'm a 31 5. If I'm not 31 5. Yeah. I don't even know, but probably. Okay. Yeah, it's. It's incredible. And I think that's why I was so drawn to it. Number one, I was really bad at it. And so I just admired people that were good at it. Um, but also just the effect that it had on me. I was like, dang. The way, like that Winston Churchill quote changed the way I think. Right. Like, on a daily basis. What if I said something like that someday? Yeah. That could change the way somebody thought. In a good way, of course. Like, words are so powerful. What does Dumbledore say? Dumbledore says, words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it. So cool. So cool. That's powerful. Yeah. Good old J.K. rowling dropping some wisdom. Yes. But, yeah, words are powerful and they can. They can do so much good for people or so much bad. And we've. We've seen that. And. And not to make this political, but our political climate is so rot with such, like, poisonous Words. Yes. That it can cause so much division and hatred. And I know that these are all buzzwords, but if you, like, actually think about it, it's going to keep people from actually trying to understand who you are and giving you a space to share your experience. Yeah. If you have poisonous words. Absolutely. It'll also stop them from. If you're, if you're a disciple of Christ and you are sharing the gospel on a regular basis and people know this, know this about you, and then you say something bad or poisonous to them, they will be shut off from that message of Christ. And so as disciples of Christ, we have to be so careful with how we talk to people, how we treat people, because we do not want to discredit the amazing message that has saved our lives. And so I think that that's something huge for disciples in general, but even bigger for people like you and me who are actively going out and talking to people who are, who have a platform. And so it's a huge responsibility. And I am not great at it all the time, but. But it's just something to think about. Yeah. I appreciate you sharing that. Yeah. Dude, I guess you're kind of. You're kind of in this phase right now. Yeah. Where you're, you're kind of newly back from your mission. You've been back for a year. Yeah, a year. Last month. A year. Last month. And so you've been back from your mission for a year. You're still kind of in the throes of the return missionary life. Dude, I wish you the best of luck. Thanks. In your return missionary experience. It sounds like you're killing it. You're doing the thing that I tell every returned missionary to do. Get started ASAP with your life. Like, do. Do not delay taking 10 days with your family. Perfect. That's. That's a perfect amount of time. But the longer you delay, I don't know, the, the spark that you have dies. And you will. You'll be kicking yourself for not taking advantage of the opportunities that were given to you when you first got home. I kind of did that. I took my time and it really slowed down my progress. And so if you're coming home from your mission, get started in life. Even if you have no idea what direction you want to go in. Just get started. And the stars will align. Your path will be revealed. Yeah. I a hundred percent believe that God wants to show you that path. He's going to test your patience for sure, but he wants to show it to you and he wants you to get on to a good life that's continuing your ministry. Yes. And so before we end this, is there anything else that you would like to say to these return missionaries that are coming home? Yeah. Is there any last words that you'd like to say? Well, I want to thank you, Talmad. Yeah. For being a model, not just with your words, but with the way you lead your life. Disciple of Jesus Christ. Not only a hearer of the Word, but a doer. That's what I see in you, with the positivity you're putting out there. One of the principles from Preach My Gospel that's had a huge impact on me is the principle of accountability. When you're on a mission, your boss is Heavenly Father. I remember getting kicked out of apartment complexes, and folks would ask, who sent you here? And I'd tell them, God. God sent me here. He's the guy you gotta talk to if you want us to stop coming. And I try to live that principle today. You know, I come home and I account for my day. I pray on my knees and I let Heavenly Father know what I've done for. For him, just the same as I did on my mission. My paycheck might not literally come from the church now, you know, paying for my food and the things that I need, but I still know I'm dependent on God for that and for every opportunity in my life. And so I just would share that with the missionaries who are coming home, that you might take the tag off right now, but we serve because of our covenants, not because of our callings. You're still going to wear your garment, the garment of the holy priesthood, which is a reminder of the covenants that don't change. You're still accountable to God just as much now as you ever were. And so do what you need to to help your Heavenly Father. Be proud of you. Do whatever it takes to keep the companionship of the Holy Ghost with you, the same as you had it on your mission. There's certain blessings that are contingent on your calling as a missionary, but the covenantal blessings of the promise of the Holy Ghost can always be with us. That doesn't change. It stays with you as long as you stay with Jesus Christ in your covenants with him. And when you get off. I say when, not if. Just get back on. Just get back on. You've helped people overcome all kinds of things on your mission. You've heard about all kinds of stories of what people have made it through to get to Christ. You're no exception. You can have that same success story. And even if your story changes the path doesn't take the course that you thought it would, it's not going to surprise Heavenly Father. And we can't do anything that's going to undo what Jesus Christ has already done for us. The price that he's paid. That's what I testify. And I don't know if you want me to close it formally, but I feel happy and comfortable to share these things with you and let you know that what I know after my mission and what I am coming to know more and more deeply every single day is the same thing I learned at 13 years old when I started to pick up those weights and exercise. It's that progress is possible. When we act in faith and repent. Jesus Christ allows change to happen. Walking hand in hand in covenant relationship with Jesus Christ, progress is possible. And I share that. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. Amen. Brilliant, bro. Thank you so much for being on. It was. It's an honor to have you share your story and your testimony with us. And I have no doubt it's going to bless so many people. If people want to follow you, how can they get a hold of you or where can they see some more of your content? Yeah, I would love to connect with folks at Noah Cannon. No A A H C A N O N on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube and Spotify, Apple podcasts. I host a podcast as well. It's called the Progress podcast. Not quite as high tech as this one. This is beautiful. Come film in here some dude. Yeah, yeah, we're getting better every day. We're making progress. So yeah, I'd love to connect these guys. Noah Cannon. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. And with that, that's a wrap. Hey guys, thank you so much for listening to this episode of released. What a story. That's insane. A lot of hard things and heavy things and just messy things that aren't fully figured out yet. But like I said before, he has a faith in Christ that can heal all wounds. Guys, I am so grateful for you. Starting this again has been hard. It's coming at a time that life is just incredibly busy. Like I said, I'm having a kid soon. Business has been ramping up, but I feel so blessed and so encouraged when I see people commenting on the posts I make on Instagram or YouTube or TikTok and it's so encouraging. Please, if you guys have felt like this has helped you in any way, like reach out, let me know it. It helps a lot Also, if you want to share this with a friend, that's probably the greatest thing you can do to help this show grow and potentially help more people along with sharing it with a friend. If you guys can rate and subscribe to the podcast, that would be incredible. Thank you all so much. And remember, God is good and is planning on your success. And though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry.